It’s so weird when I come home that I’m surprised how everything feels so familiar, like I expected to have forgotten it all. It feels so surreal, almost like I’ve travelled back in time to a past life where everything else has stayed still. It usually takes me a few days to adjust to being back but when I visit for only a weekend the time tends to flash past in a instant, taking me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions on the way. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy visiting home though!

This weekend was especially fun, aside from Dan and I both feeling completely exhausted/on the verge of becoming sick. Tomorrow is my sister Ashley’s 18th birthday so we all went with my mum to Top Golf for the day. We played a game on driving range, messed around taking photos on the podiums and played adventure (mini) golf. It was absolutely freezing but so much fun! At one point I hit my ball into the water trap, expecting it to just make a splash, but it bounced several times over the surface- it was completely frozen over!

Afterwards we had a yummy roast dinner made by my dad and fairycakes my mum had made for my sister (because she doesn’t like birthday cake). Then Dan watched several football matches (whilst I was drifting in and out of consciousness on the couch and played with my kitties) and gave me loads of cuddles until it was time to leave. He has been so cute and romantic the past few days :)

It was a really nice, relaxing weekend. Sometimes I just need to get away from the concrete jungle and mad rush that is London…but it’s always fun on the journey back to see all the pretty lights :) I love the feeling of travelling, it puts me in the perfect state of mind to daydream (and blog)!

Sometimes I have days when I’m really delicate and vunerable. I worry about things I probably shouldn’t and get myself in a horrible state. Sometimes I feel inferior to and threatened by other people, which then makes me over-defencive. I can’t just keep these feelings bottled up, the more I think about them, the more they eat away at me. So I tell Dan what’s bothering me because I want him to know everything about me and understand how my mind works. I tell him even the little things I probably shouldn’t because they will make me look crazy, you know those irrational little feelings you sometimes just can’t help. But you know what? He doesn’t think I’m crazy, he just listens and lets me get it all off my chest. He lets me vent and cry and get it all out. He also kicks me back into shape when I need it, and I’m so grateful for that. He reminds me of how lucky I am and how good my life is. Then I realise how none of these little worries matter at all, that I am really loved and that no-one should make me feel inferior.

I wish I could learn to stop worrying, to let my guard down and to make the most of all the wonderful things in my life. I have so much to look forward to with Dan and the new friends I have made here, and I don’t want to miss a moment of it!

This is partially why my new year’s resolution this year is to complete a 365 project. I have wanted to do one for so long and I’m getting a new camera for Christmas =) My reasons in the past for taking photos were mainly because I have such a bad memory but I want to do this project to improve my photography and photoshop skills – something I’ve been wanting to do for years. It’ll be hosted on my flickr account starting Jan 1st 2010! I’m hoping some interesting things will be recorded in it!